Sal Has Developed Feelings of Platonic Admiration for Another Gentleman

Hey, folks. Guess who? Sal.

Sal's feelin' pretty good today because his team won its first playoff game - but somethin' happened yesterday that made Sal step back and examine himself.

See - during yesterday's game Sal started to feel some feelin's for another man that Sal had never felt before. Sal wanted to hang out wit' this guy. He wanted to talk wit' him. He even wanted to be him.

Sal has what people call a "man crush."

Now, Sal can't stress enough that this does not make Sal a gay. Sal is NOT a gay.

But, while Sal was watchin' this here guy do his thing, Sal was impressed. This guy was confident. He walked up to the home plate area wit' confidence. And, like always, this here guy really knows how to perform in October.

That's right. Sal has a "man crush" on...

Ronan Tynan.








Sal was confused. What was it about this here fella that had Sal smitten? Was it his voice? Kinda. But that wasn't it. So, Sal went to ask the smartest guy he knows (Moose McKnucklecurve) what he thought the reasonin' was.

Here's what Sal and Moose came up wit':
1) Sal is impressed wit' the way Ronan makes up that bogus first verse to "God Bless America." That is crazy funny. That verse doesn't exist. Ronan just does it to mess wit' the other team's pitcher.

2) Sal is wowed by the way Ronan can walk even though he ain't got no legs.

And most importantly, comes this here scientificatin' equation that Moose came up wit'. Sal is dazzled by Ronan because...

3)


So this made Sal feel much better. Sal is man-crushin' on Ronan because he reminds Sal of Shrek crossed wit' Sloth wearin' glasses. And he's singin' and walkin' wit' no legs.

That's it for now. Sal's gotta take hittin' practice.