Sal's Family Tree Does Not Extend That Far

Hey pals. It's me. Sal.

Now Sal knows he ain't been around in a while but he felt the need to let all of his fans know somethin' very important.

What Sal wants you to know ain't got nothin' to do wit' his new team (can't say which) though Sal is happier than a cat wit' a pet canary about that. Yep, ol' Sallie got another shot at the bigs and the only thing standin' in his way are two fellas wit' what have to be fake names. Sal is pretty sure those crazy names are just made-up to fool the government or somethin' so Sal should have a job soon...the feds gotta catch up wit' one of them in the next month or so.

Now, Sal knows that - on occasion - he was known to sing "Lazy Sunday" around the clubhouse. That that sketch was crazy funny. Sal still loves it. And Red Vines, too.

At one point in the song Sal would yell "I told you that I love these cupcakes, cousin." Sal would do this because that's how the song goes.

Sometimes Sal did this in the locker room. Sal did this no matter who was around at the time. Sometimes Sal yelled the line directly to people. For laughs. Because it's crazy funny. But the fact that Sal yelled this at someone does not mean that the person in question is necessarily a relative of Sal.

What Sal's tryin' to say is: he is not the cousin of a certain purple-lipped superstar.

So don't be callin' Sal. Sal didn't do no injectin'. Sal don't even know what "Boli" is. Sounds like a made up name for a catcher on the run from the law.

In the meantime, Sal wants you to know he's back. And to you his readers he just wants to say...

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(Editor's note: Sal took a drink of water here)

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thank you.