Sal Demonstrates Quiet Dignity and Grace

Hey, folks. It's your pal, "Big League" Sal.

"Big League" Sal thought his name deserved a little spicin' up, considerin' the excitin' events of the day. You bloggin' types can just keep callin' Sal, Sal, though. You've been with "Big League" Sal through thick and thin, and "Big League" Sal don't forget his friends.

For those of you who haven't been watchin' the wire, "Big League" Sal is sittin' in a Major League clubhouse again! Now, as one of the baseball brethren, Sal certainly doesn't like the fact that he's sittin' here because another guy went down, but when one backstop can't keep stoppin', another backstop will be there to do the stoppin' for him. That's part of the Backstop's Code, and it's somethin' that "Big League" Sal takes very seriously. Plus, "Big League" Sal was hittin' the crap out of the ball down in the Trips and, let's face it, is returnin' to where he belongs.

Now, as "Big League" Sal's sittin' here, waitin' to take some hittin' practice, he can't help but notice the ironicalness of this particular turn of events. Not only is "Big League" Sal returnin' to The Show, but he's returnin' to a place that provides him with plenty of memories. This here city is one of "Big League" Sal's old stompin' grounds. (Nope, Pals, "Big League" Sal's still not spillin' the beans on which stompin' ground it is! It's like a little game "Big League" Sal gets a kick out of playin'!)

So, why is "Big League" Sal so excited to be back here, you ask? The city that went runnin' when Sal went lookin' for a job? Well, Pals, it's really pretty simple.

Here's the straight talk comin': "Big League" Sal is glad to be back playin' on the field he used to do his playin' on because he wants all those guys to kiss his big black butt!

That's right! "Big League" Sal is back to right a wrong. You know what happens when you turn your back on a backstop, folks? He comes back with intentions on hauntin' you.

"Big League" Sal has tried to be cool...buyin' a train, runnin' for public office, pickin' up strange guys and givin' 'em a helpin' hand, but really he's been waitin' for the chance to squat behind that pinstriped plate and take a "Big League" dump on it.

You know the sayin' about payback, Pals? Well, as one of "Big League" Sal's favorite sexually ambiguous performers once sang, "The b#tch is back!"

These guys ain't gonna know what hit (or caught) 'em.

Viva la fu.

Sal Screams in Ecstasy

Hey, folks.

YEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA!!!

Sal Corrects A Common, and Unfortunate, Misconception

Hey, folks. It's your pal, Sal.

Considerin' the way ol' Sallie's been hittin' the ball down in "the Trips" (that's what we sometimes-big-leaguers call Triple A ball), and what's goin' on up there in "the Bigs" (that's what we sometimes-minor-leaguers call the Major Leagues) with one sweet-swingin' third baseman from the Big Apple, Sal feels it's only right to clarify somethin'.

Here's the straight talk comin': Sal always knew that A-Rod was a god among men and should be treated as such. This fuckin' guy is on fire.

Now, some of you readers of this here blog may point to some earlier postin' in reference to A-God. Like this one, or this one.

Really, Sal's a little disappointed in all of you bloggin'-perusin' types. Can't you tell when a guy's tryin' to be ironical? By sayin' those things, Sal was just stressin' how untrue those things really were.

Plus, the idea that those posts were actually about A-God is purely speculatory, since Sal was smart enough to use clever nicknames to get around any potential legal action.

C'mon, Pals. Join Sal in treatin' A-Rod with the clutchy, grit-spittin' respect he deserves.

Sal Celebrates His Peers

Hey folks. Many of you have been askin' ol' Sallie for an update on how his minor league season is goin' so far. Well, the truth is...

Sal is tearin' it up.

Don't just take Sal's word for it, though - check the stats. Look at that there OPS! Sal is well on his way to breakin' the record.

All of this dominatin' has got Sal to thinkin', though. Why is it that Sal is so crazy good in the minors...and he stinks like mid-summer jockstraps in the majors? Well, the answer is simple.

Sal is a textbook Quadruple-A player.

See this means Sal is just way too good for AAA, but he can't quite cut it in the Show. And Sal ain't alone. There have been many a-Quadruple A-ers over these here years and Sal thinks it's about time we celebrate these fellas. So, Sal has decided to create...

SAL'S BIG FAT QUADRUPLE-A HALL OF FAME

Here are the first few fellas Sal has inducted:

HENSLEY "BAM-BAM" MEULENS



This here fella hit 196 HRs in the minors. But he only managed to hit 15 in the bigs and even big Sallie managed to jack a few more than that.

But, The guy did have a kick-ass nickname goin' for him. Sal wishes he was around to make the Fruity Pebbles jokes. Crazy funny.








GREGG JEFFERIES

Sal wasted a lot of money on all of this here fellas rookie cards.

To be fair, Sal does realize this here fella actually had a pretty good major-league career, battin' .289 and all...but Sal heard all of the hype what with the swingin' underwater and the "hey, who needs Wally Backman" and, again, Sal wasted a lot of money on his cards. So Sal is bitter.





RICKY JORDAN

Continuin' on the "money wasted on rookie cards" trend, this here fella was supposed to be a power hitter but he only hit 9 more taters (Sal means home runs not taters like potatoes, because why would a fella want to hit a potato?) than Sal has so far.

Phillies fans expected more from him just because of his pedigree alone, what with him bein' the son of Ozzie and Harriet.


LAWRENCE "CRASH" DAVIS

This here fella holds the record for most home runs hit in the minors, though for some reason Sal can't find any record of it. Sal has heard rumors that Crash was so upset about not makin' it in the show that he went psycho-nuts and moved to Iowa. Then he built a baseball field where there shoulda been corn, made a comeback wit' the Tigers, and arrested a mobster. The guy's done some stuff.



So that's it. You folks can send in nominations for the next induction ceremony. And keep an eye on big Sallie's OPS.