Sal Cannot Understand How This Makes Sense, Logistically Speaking

Quick thoughts today, Pals. Sal had to run all day so he's as sore as a jockey wit' the trots and he's gotta get himself to a hot tub.

Sal is confused about somethin'. Namely, this here:

Now, personally, Sal could care less whether or not these two fellas are friends or not. All Sal knows is that he was never asked to join in on their partyin' and merry-makin'. But, there is one thing in this here whole mess that's got Sal confused...and it's this here quote from "B-Rod":

"The reality is there's been a change in the relationship over 14 years and, hopefully, we can just put it behind us...you go from sleeping over at somebody's house five days a week, and now you don't sleep over. It's just not that big of a deal."

OK, now folks, the jokes have already been made so let's ignore what you're all thinkin'...namely this here:

Sal won't make that joke.

But the thought that is really is givin' Sal pause is: how can this be? See, folks...B-Rod used to play in Seattle and Texas. Now those two places are literally really far away from New York. Was B-Rod commutin' to work just to be able to sleep over at El Capitan's house? (Can't use Jeter's real name) That would be a crazy commute. We're talkin' a few thousand miles.

So really...Sal's just wonderin'. Any help is appreciated.

Sal's a softy, though. He really does hope these two fellas work it out.

Sal Is a Glass Half-Full Kind of Fellow

Hey, folks.

Sal just finished packin' because on Friday pitchers and catchers and Sal have to report for Sal's new team's Spring Trainin'. This is a nerve rackin' time for Sal on accounta he now has to learn his new team's signs. Sal ain't too good wit' signs. He was once crazy embarrassed after he mistook a bunt sign for somethin' much worse. Sal was forced to apologize to his third base coach and pay for the medical bills.

But it ain't all bad news. As a matter of fact, Sal thinks this season is goin' to be great because there are a few other things about this new team that Sal recently discovered.

First off, there's this here "exchange rate" thing in Canada. Seems everything that's worth 1 in the good ol' US of A is worth 1.163 in Canada. This might just be the greatest news ever.

See, this means that simply by crossin' the border, Sal went from a .221 career hitter to a .257 career hitter. This is crazy good - mainly because the guy who is currently ahead of Sal on the depth chart (we'll call him Phillip Jasons) is only a career .254 hitter. Take that, Mr. Myopic. That means he don't see good wit'out glasses.

What is further astoundin' is that this raises Sal's "Fieldin' Percentage" from .988 to an awe-inducin' 1.149. This means that not only does Sal make every play possible wit' no mess ups, but he is also able to field stuff that's hit at other fellas. Sal cannot wait to try it out.

Second thing that has Sal tickled is that he just found out that he now has a teammate named "B.J." Sal thinks this is the funniest thing he has ever heard. What Sal means is: weren't his parents worried about subjectin' this fella to a lifetime of jokes about that TV show wit' the guy and the monkey?


You can't blame people if that's the first thing that pops into their mind! Crazy funny.

Third - and possibily most excitin' - is the final bit of realizin' Sal did. Every spring Sal gets to pick his new "Comin' to bat intro music." It's always a good time, but this year Sal would love for you (his readers) to get involved. Sal wants new intro music that rocks .163 more than regular music.

That's right - Sal is lookin' for 100% Canadian intro music.

So far it's been a struggle. Sal can't come up wit' nothin'. So please, write in and tell Sal about some great Canadian music. He will be very grateful.

PS - no Anne Murray. Sal once tried to use "Snowbird" as his intro and he still hasn't lived it down.