Sal Has Issued a Proclamation
Hi, folks. Sal realizes he hasn't written in a while and he apologizes...but recently Sal has had to face some things and he's had to do somethin' that we in baseball call big time decision-makin'.
See, Sal is havin' him a rough Spring Trainin'. As a matter of fact Sal is only 1 for 15 at the plate so far. This has made Sal realize that he just has too many distractions.
Sal must focus.
So ol' Sallie has made several big choices which he will now be relatin' to you in the form of a Proclamation, like one of them fancy politicians.
WHEREAS Sal don't know much about politics and thinkin' about it is hurtin' his battin' average and his head, Sal has decided to drop out of the race for Canadian Prime Minister. This despite the fact that Sal received a whoppin' 91.6% of the vote in his latest poll. Finishin' a distant second was some fella named Dudley Do-Right, who only got 8.3%. Sal admits this may not have been the most scientificatin' of polls, since he took it in the dugout and wrote down the responses on the back of a pack of Big League Chew. Plus, he only had time to ask 24 fellas and one abstained.
WHEREAS Sal seared his foot while withdrawin' from the Prime Minister race after goin' down the Jupiter, Florida Town Hall and settin' his campaign posters on fire and yellin' "Sal withdraws," Sal will not play wit' matches anymore.
WHEREAS he got lots of suggestions and he don't really feel like researchin' anymore, Sal has decided to stop worryin' about it and just make his comin' to bat music "Workin' Man" by RUSH. Only catch is that Sal will insist on them playin' the full 7 minutes and 9 seconds. Also, some of you readers ain't thinkin' straight. About 5 of you suggested that Sal be introduced to Barenaked Ladies. Baseball stadiums need to be family friendly. If there's one thing little kids don't need to see, it's boobs.
WHEREAS Sal recently heard that he might be goin' to the minors, and once there he's gonna become a backup to some guy named Thigpen, and Sal is bitter about this, and since Sal don't know what this here guy looks like, Sal will picture this fella lookin' like this:
WHEREAS Sal is sick of the other fellas in his league makin' fun of him whenever he drafts himself, and since he don't got time to change his lineup every day anyway, Sal will not be playin' fantasy baseball this year. This is also because one of the fellas in the league insisted on addin' WHIP this year, and Sal has heard it is just a short jump from whips to chains. Sal is not into this.
WHEREAS Sal and the other catchers on his team are hittin' like monkey crap this spring, and Sal's new manager (Sal will call him Skipper McFisticuffs) threatened to cut all of them 'cause "he'd get more hits from Roy Campanella," and since this here hurt Sal's feelin's, Sal has decided not to tell Skipper McFisticuffs that Roy Campanella is not only paralyzed, but dead, and there ain't no way he can replace Sal and the other catchers wit' him. Let that big jerk find out on his own.
WHEREAS he's been doin' nothin' but freeloadin' and moochin', Sal has finally decided to send Earl, The Guy What Looks Like Santa back to Denver.
WHEREAS Sal knows what he's best at, he now vows to focus his attention at what henceworth will be know as:
"THE T'REE Bs."
Battin'.
Back-stoppin'.
Bloggin'.
That's it, Pals. Sal guarantees he'll get better now.
PS - "Backstoppin'" is baseball slang for catchin'.
Sal is not a gay.
See, Sal is havin' him a rough Spring Trainin'. As a matter of fact Sal is only 1 for 15 at the plate so far. This has made Sal realize that he just has too many distractions.
Sal must focus.
So ol' Sallie has made several big choices which he will now be relatin' to you in the form of a Proclamation, like one of them fancy politicians.
WHEREAS Sal don't know much about politics and thinkin' about it is hurtin' his battin' average and his head, Sal has decided to drop out of the race for Canadian Prime Minister. This despite the fact that Sal received a whoppin' 91.6% of the vote in his latest poll. Finishin' a distant second was some fella named Dudley Do-Right, who only got 8.3%. Sal admits this may not have been the most scientificatin' of polls, since he took it in the dugout and wrote down the responses on the back of a pack of Big League Chew. Plus, he only had time to ask 24 fellas and one abstained.
WHEREAS Sal seared his foot while withdrawin' from the Prime Minister race after goin' down the Jupiter, Florida Town Hall and settin' his campaign posters on fire and yellin' "Sal withdraws," Sal will not play wit' matches anymore.
WHEREAS he got lots of suggestions and he don't really feel like researchin' anymore, Sal has decided to stop worryin' about it and just make his comin' to bat music "Workin' Man" by RUSH. Only catch is that Sal will insist on them playin' the full 7 minutes and 9 seconds. Also, some of you readers ain't thinkin' straight. About 5 of you suggested that Sal be introduced to Barenaked Ladies. Baseball stadiums need to be family friendly. If there's one thing little kids don't need to see, it's boobs.
WHEREAS Sal recently heard that he might be goin' to the minors, and once there he's gonna become a backup to some guy named Thigpen, and Sal is bitter about this, and since Sal don't know what this here guy looks like, Sal will picture this fella lookin' like this:
WHEREAS Sal is sick of the other fellas in his league makin' fun of him whenever he drafts himself, and since he don't got time to change his lineup every day anyway, Sal will not be playin' fantasy baseball this year. This is also because one of the fellas in the league insisted on addin' WHIP this year, and Sal has heard it is just a short jump from whips to chains. Sal is not into this.
WHEREAS Sal and the other catchers on his team are hittin' like monkey crap this spring, and Sal's new manager (Sal will call him Skipper McFisticuffs) threatened to cut all of them 'cause "he'd get more hits from Roy Campanella," and since this here hurt Sal's feelin's, Sal has decided not to tell Skipper McFisticuffs that Roy Campanella is not only paralyzed, but dead, and there ain't no way he can replace Sal and the other catchers wit' him. Let that big jerk find out on his own.
WHEREAS he's been doin' nothin' but freeloadin' and moochin', Sal has finally decided to send Earl, The Guy What Looks Like Santa back to Denver.
WHEREAS Sal knows what he's best at, he now vows to focus his attention at what henceworth will be know as:
"THE T'REE Bs."
Battin'.
Back-stoppin'.
Bloggin'.
That's it, Pals. Sal guarantees he'll get better now.
PS - "Backstoppin'" is baseball slang for catchin'.
Sal is not a gay.
posted by Sal at 6:29 PM
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