Sal Provides Good Tidings, Merriment, and Earl, the Guy What Looks Like Santa
Hey, kids. Jingle, jingle, jingle - it's holiday Sal!
So Sal's itinerary has changed a bit. See, Sal was plannin' on chug-a-chuggin' the Fu Man Choo-Choo straight on up to the North Pole this week. He wanted to get the mini-Sals a face to face encounter wit' Jolly Ol' Saint Nick himself, but as the ol' proverb says "no good intention gets by wit'out gettin' kicked in the nuts."
Turns out Sal made the wrong choice when he chug-a-chugged the Fu Man Choo Choo into Denver last week. Sal had this great idea to gain access to this super exclusive club he'd heard a bunch about. Sal's ol' teammates raved about it and kept tellin' ol' Sallie that he and Mrs. Sal needed to get in. So Sal took the family all the way out to Colorado as a surprise.
Long story short: Sal was wrong to think the "Mile High Club" was a fancy-pants Supper Club located in Denver.
So now Sal is snowed in. He can't get outta this city even wit' his high powered locomotive.
But Sal would not be deterred. He wanted to make sure the mini-Sals got to hear from the Big Guy. So Sal embarked on a quest and he trudged out onto the snowy Denver streets.
The first place he saw was called "Get Your Jollies." This was exactly what Sal was hopin' for. What better place to find a Santa?
It was not to be. This here guy was the closest to Santa Sal found there:
This was not the lastin' image of Christmas Sal was hopin' for.
So Sal kept on questin' until he ended up at the local mall, where he met this here guy:
Pals, meet Earl - the guy what looks like Santa.
Earl is a Santa-helper. He is NOT the real deal. But once Sal was able to look past the faint smell of cheese and the flask marked "Merry Juice," he realized Earl would be a great guy to introduce to the kids.
After a quick stop at the Orange Julius, Earl and Sal headed on back to the hotel where the Fasano bunch was stayin'. (To protect Sal's family's whereabouts, we'll just call it the "Motel 5.")
Here's the straight talk comin': the mini-Sals were tickled pink about meetin' Earl. After a few minutes of cryin', the kids sat on ol' Earl's lap and told him what they wanted for Christmas (both Sal, Jr. and Sally Ann asked for chest protectors - Sal teared up wit' pride). Then we sang some songs like Rudolph and Good King Wankylots.
Really, the whole thing was a heart-warmin' Christmas miracle. Only problem is that Earl is still here, on accounta he won't leave. Sal tried to convince Earl that maybe he needed to get back to the mall, but Earl says no dice...he's eatin' too good wit' me and the family.
So Sal decided that, in the spirit of the season, he would let Earl come along on the rest of the trip. It never hurts to be nice to someone who's got the ear of the Big Guy this close to Christmas. Maybe Sal will even find a new team under his tree next week.
Happy Holidays, Pals.
So Sal's itinerary has changed a bit. See, Sal was plannin' on chug-a-chuggin' the Fu Man Choo-Choo straight on up to the North Pole this week. He wanted to get the mini-Sals a face to face encounter wit' Jolly Ol' Saint Nick himself, but as the ol' proverb says "no good intention gets by wit'out gettin' kicked in the nuts."
Turns out Sal made the wrong choice when he chug-a-chugged the Fu Man Choo Choo into Denver last week. Sal had this great idea to gain access to this super exclusive club he'd heard a bunch about. Sal's ol' teammates raved about it and kept tellin' ol' Sallie that he and Mrs. Sal needed to get in. So Sal took the family all the way out to Colorado as a surprise.
Long story short: Sal was wrong to think the "Mile High Club" was a fancy-pants Supper Club located in Denver.
So now Sal is snowed in. He can't get outta this city even wit' his high powered locomotive.
But Sal would not be deterred. He wanted to make sure the mini-Sals got to hear from the Big Guy. So Sal embarked on a quest and he trudged out onto the snowy Denver streets.
The first place he saw was called "Get Your Jollies." This was exactly what Sal was hopin' for. What better place to find a Santa?
It was not to be. This here guy was the closest to Santa Sal found there:
This was not the lastin' image of Christmas Sal was hopin' for.
So Sal kept on questin' until he ended up at the local mall, where he met this here guy:
Pals, meet Earl - the guy what looks like Santa.
Earl is a Santa-helper. He is NOT the real deal. But once Sal was able to look past the faint smell of cheese and the flask marked "Merry Juice," he realized Earl would be a great guy to introduce to the kids.
After a quick stop at the Orange Julius, Earl and Sal headed on back to the hotel where the Fasano bunch was stayin'. (To protect Sal's family's whereabouts, we'll just call it the "Motel 5.")
Here's the straight talk comin': the mini-Sals were tickled pink about meetin' Earl. After a few minutes of cryin', the kids sat on ol' Earl's lap and told him what they wanted for Christmas (both Sal, Jr. and Sally Ann asked for chest protectors - Sal teared up wit' pride). Then we sang some songs like Rudolph and Good King Wankylots.
Really, the whole thing was a heart-warmin' Christmas miracle. Only problem is that Earl is still here, on accounta he won't leave. Sal tried to convince Earl that maybe he needed to get back to the mall, but Earl says no dice...he's eatin' too good wit' me and the family.
So Sal decided that, in the spirit of the season, he would let Earl come along on the rest of the trip. It never hurts to be nice to someone who's got the ear of the Big Guy this close to Christmas. Maybe Sal will even find a new team under his tree next week.
Happy Holidays, Pals.
posted by Sal at 9:05 PM
2 Comments:
In all honesty, this was an amazing post. I know you guys do this as satire, but it's quality. How long does it take you to do a draft speaking/typing in this funny 3rd person style?
Great poost thanks
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