Sal Has Taken Matters Into His Own Hands

Hey, folks. Look, it's me. Sal.

So, Sal and Mrs. Sal and the mini-Sals have been havin' a great ol' time lookin' at this beautiful country of ours while travelin' in the fu-man-choo-choo. Let me tell you, this thing can really motor. When the choo-choo gets goin', there's no stoppin' us.

The kids just love all the sounds of the choo-choo, especially that whole "chug-a-chug-a" thing that the wheels do. Sometimes Sal will start "chug-a-chug'in" when the choo-choo isn't even movin', and everybody laughs because it's me and not the train. It's crazy funny.

Irregardless of the fun the Sals are havin', Big Sal thought he should make a special stop on his vacation. He heard that a lot of the guys who make the important decisions about all the baseball teams were meetin' in Florida to discuss all of us players...especially those guys that don't have a team to play for yet. Well...guess who one of those guys is? It's me! Sal!

We took the choo-choo down to Orlando and, as dumbass luck would have it, Disneyworld is right there! So, Sal bought the mini-Sals a couple of them Mickey Mouse hats with the ears and sent them into the Magic Kingdom so that they could frolic. Mrs. Sal went with 'em so my little Mickeys didn't get into trouble.

Sal went over to the hotel where all the important guys were meetin'. Sal figured that he would make a big entrance and make sure that everybody knew that he had arrived. So, Sal put on his best tuxedo, which he keeps with him all the time just in case a moment like this should arise, and walked right in to the lobby.

Here's the straight talk comin': Sal saw lots of guys that he knew...some that he liked too. One guy that Sal likes a lot was there. He's the important guy from Sal's last team, the....gotcha! Didn't think Sal would give it up did ya'? In any case, Sal will call this important guy The Cash Man, seein' as he's got a lot of cash. But talkin' to The Cash Man was another important guy that Sal doesn't like too much. He's the important guy from one of Sal's old teams, and Sal didn't like the way he was treated by him. Sal will call him Mr. Gil-dick.

So, anyways, Sal was about to walk over to all the important guys he could find and ask about a job for next year...you know, catchin'. But before Sal could even get close, people started comin' up to him and sayin' things like, "I'll have a scotch and soda," and "Will you be sure to bring more shrimp cocktail out here?"

Sal didn't know what was goin' on. Why were they askin' Sal these crazy things? They make juice out of shrimp now?

Well, not knowin' what to say, Sal decided the best thing to do was to try and help these people out. So, Sal spent the next five-and-a-half hours runnin' back and forth from the kitchen to the lobby, gettin' whatever anybody needed.

By the time the day was over, Sal was pooped, and he didn't even have a new team that he could do some catchin' with next year.

Long story short, Sal has decided there's only one thing to do: he's gonna get that nice tuxedo of his dry-cleaned, send the mini-Sals and Mrs. Sal to Epcot Center, and head back to that lobby tomorrow.

How can they resist the fu-manchu again?